Craig has a pulmonologist appointment on Friday morning at 8:45. This is already a big week for Craig; he is in the middle of his orientation at KU Medical Center.
Keep praying for us. We need peace like a river.
P.S. Some of you have mentioned you are having a difficult time commenting on our blog. Feel free to click on the email link to the right to send us a note :)
Monday, June 28, 2010
sufficient grace
We did not hear from the urologist this weekend but Craig did talk with some dr. friends at church who can help connect him with some pulmonologists.
It was a long weekend. I feel like Craig and I are really doing some spiritual battle, trying to take our thoughts captive and not give in to fear and anxiety. It is EXTREMELY hard. We are holding on to hope and we know that God works in all things, is all powerful despite statistics or probable outcomes. But when the "C" word is at the back of your mind. . . it's just a constant battle.
Craig and Hans were snoring away on Sunday so we didn't make it for Sunday school but did attend late service. It will sound strange to some of you but I felt such a release when we walked through those doors. I felt like I had been holding it together all week but being in this church full of people who love each other and love Jesus just opened the flood gates of my heart. I didn't make it through the first song before the tears started pouring. I had to step out because I knew the ugly cry was coming! God placed two of the sweetest women there for comfort just when I needed it. God IS always caring for us!
Pastor Burt's message seemed written just for us yesterday. It was the story from 2 Corinthians 12, about Paul and his thorn. He talked about Satan's torment, pleading for God to take the thorn away and why sometimes God leaves the thorn. If you are familiar with the story, you know how hard it was to listen to. This has been the struggle for us; pleading with God to not let Craig's cancer come back and yet, trying to surrender to, "Your will, not mine be done." As I have shared with our pastor, that is one the hardest prayers to pray. How do you get to the place of surrender when you're talking about the person my soul has loved for 28 years? I am not kidding, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode.
I am not even close to "for Christ's sake, delighting in hardships, difficulties" as Paul was. I do want to be willing. I can, however, "boast about my weaknesses". Since Craig was first diagnosed, I have experienced times of great strength that came from deep inside of me. I could not even pretend that the strength was from me; it is ALL JESUS. I am the weakest of weak but He makes me strong every single time I need it. He leads me and guides me. It is an incredible thing to have the power of Christ pouring through you. So, if He can make this weak girl strong, He can lead me to a place of surrender, too.
I love how Jesus responds to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." That says it all.
It was a long weekend. I feel like Craig and I are really doing some spiritual battle, trying to take our thoughts captive and not give in to fear and anxiety. It is EXTREMELY hard. We are holding on to hope and we know that God works in all things, is all powerful despite statistics or probable outcomes. But when the "C" word is at the back of your mind. . . it's just a constant battle.
Craig and Hans were snoring away on Sunday so we didn't make it for Sunday school but did attend late service. It will sound strange to some of you but I felt such a release when we walked through those doors. I felt like I had been holding it together all week but being in this church full of people who love each other and love Jesus just opened the flood gates of my heart. I didn't make it through the first song before the tears started pouring. I had to step out because I knew the ugly cry was coming! God placed two of the sweetest women there for comfort just when I needed it. God IS always caring for us!
Pastor Burt's message seemed written just for us yesterday. It was the story from 2 Corinthians 12, about Paul and his thorn. He talked about Satan's torment, pleading for God to take the thorn away and why sometimes God leaves the thorn. If you are familiar with the story, you know how hard it was to listen to. This has been the struggle for us; pleading with God to not let Craig's cancer come back and yet, trying to surrender to, "Your will, not mine be done." As I have shared with our pastor, that is one the hardest prayers to pray. How do you get to the place of surrender when you're talking about the person my soul has loved for 28 years? I am not kidding, sometimes I feel like my head is going to explode.
I am not even close to "for Christ's sake, delighting in hardships, difficulties" as Paul was. I do want to be willing. I can, however, "boast about my weaknesses". Since Craig was first diagnosed, I have experienced times of great strength that came from deep inside of me. I could not even pretend that the strength was from me; it is ALL JESUS. I am the weakest of weak but He makes me strong every single time I need it. He leads me and guides me. It is an incredible thing to have the power of Christ pouring through you. So, if He can make this weak girl strong, He can lead me to a place of surrender, too.
I love how Jesus responds to Paul: "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." That says it all.
Friday, June 25, 2010
we have an answer - sort of
The nurse called Craig this afternoon and read the radiologist report to him. He was able to see enough of Craig's upper lung in the scan to know that he did not have these nodules in November. So what does that mean? It is new. It could be cancer. Or an infection. Or a number of other things. Craig will need to see a pulmonologist to see what the next step is. We are hoping to hear from the urologist over the weekend with his recommendations for dr.'s.
This is hard; I won't lie to you. We have been hopeful, praying, believing that the cancer is gone. And it very well could be. But oh, that fear just wants to creep in! All the what if's, the questions, the unknowns. I know from last January that thinking about anything past today is crippling and I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON! So, I am walking around my house, taking my thoughts captive, praying all the scriptures that we have plastered everywhere and refusing to give up hope. I feel like it is all we can do since the alternative would be to give up and wallow in fear.
This family is going to have some battles ahead. But God has been growing our faith these past months, probably just for this. Your prayers strengthen and encourage us. Please don't quit!
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3
With love and so much gratitude,
Jennifer
This is hard; I won't lie to you. We have been hopeful, praying, believing that the cancer is gone. And it very well could be. But oh, that fear just wants to creep in! All the what if's, the questions, the unknowns. I know from last January that thinking about anything past today is crippling and I DO NOT WANT TO BE THAT PERSON! So, I am walking around my house, taking my thoughts captive, praying all the scriptures that we have plastered everywhere and refusing to give up hope. I feel like it is all we can do since the alternative would be to give up and wallow in fear.
This family is going to have some battles ahead. But God has been growing our faith these past months, probably just for this. Your prayers strengthen and encourage us. Please don't quit!
You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast, because he trusts in You. Isaiah 26:3
With love and so much gratitude,
Jennifer
Thursday, June 24, 2010
still no news
We are still waiting to hear from the dr. Hopefully some news tomorrow (sigh). Thank you, thank you for your continued prayers.
Love,
Jennifer
Love,
Jennifer
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
no news yet
I spoke with the nurse who hand delivered Craig's scan to the radiologist this morning. She hoped we would have information by Friday. Yes, Friday. So we are waiting, praying and trusting in the Ostrander house tonight.
Thanks to all of you who are praying alongside of us. Your prayers help so much!
Love,
Jennifer
Thanks to all of you who are praying alongside of us. Your prayers help so much!
Love,
Jennifer
still waiting for God. . .
but I wanted to share from my Bible study these past couple of days. Monday I read Matthew 14:22-33, the story of the disciples in the boat, exhausted from the storm and the crashing waves. When Jesus appeared, walking on water, the disciples thought it was a ghost! But Jesus called to Peter, "Come." Peter scrambled out of that boat and started walking on water, to his beloved Savior. "But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, 'Lord, save me!' Immediately, Jesus reached out and His hand caught him." v.30-31
Commentary from Beth Moore: "We have one, and only one, reason not to fear-the presence of Christ in our circumstances; but He is more than enough reason. He was reason enough for Peter to step out on the water. As long as his focus was straight "toward Jesus," Peter remained on top of the waves, but then he began to sink. What happened? Why couldn't Peter stay afloat through the power of Christ Jesus? Because Peter switched his focus to his circumstances while Christ remained tightly focused on his destination. Then came Peter's fear. . . the same kind of fear that binds weights to our ankles and submerges us in waves of surrounding circumstances."
I really needed this lesson Monday morning! It spoke to me in so many ways. I love that Jesus says, "Come", calling us to step away from our storms, our burdens, our circumstances to be with Him. I desperately needed the reminder to keep my focus steadfastly on Jesus, to keep walking forward. I start to falter when a fresh wave of fear sweeps over me. But He is helping me to be disciplined, to stop right then and there and pray. When I can't stop the fear and can only cry out, He is there immediately. No hesitation. Just comes bringing sweet peace. I hold close to my heart Beth's observation that while we are focused on our circumstances, drowning in fear, Jesus is focused on our destination. He knows where all of this is bringing us and for what purpose. We must remember, God has a plan. He is in control. He loves us and works in all things for His beloved children.
Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him. Isaiah 64:4
I'll let you know when we hear from the dr. about the scans. . .
Love,
Jennifer
Commentary from Beth Moore: "We have one, and only one, reason not to fear-the presence of Christ in our circumstances; but He is more than enough reason. He was reason enough for Peter to step out on the water. As long as his focus was straight "toward Jesus," Peter remained on top of the waves, but then he began to sink. What happened? Why couldn't Peter stay afloat through the power of Christ Jesus? Because Peter switched his focus to his circumstances while Christ remained tightly focused on his destination. Then came Peter's fear. . . the same kind of fear that binds weights to our ankles and submerges us in waves of surrounding circumstances."
I really needed this lesson Monday morning! It spoke to me in so many ways. I love that Jesus says, "Come", calling us to step away from our storms, our burdens, our circumstances to be with Him. I desperately needed the reminder to keep my focus steadfastly on Jesus, to keep walking forward. I start to falter when a fresh wave of fear sweeps over me. But He is helping me to be disciplined, to stop right then and there and pray. When I can't stop the fear and can only cry out, He is there immediately. No hesitation. Just comes bringing sweet peace. I hold close to my heart Beth's observation that while we are focused on our circumstances, drowning in fear, Jesus is focused on our destination. He knows where all of this is bringing us and for what purpose. We must remember, God has a plan. He is in control. He loves us and works in all things for His beloved children.
Since ancient times no one has heard, no ear has perceived, no eye has seen any God besides You, who acts on behalf of those who wait for Him. Isaiah 64:4
I'll let you know when we hear from the dr. about the scans. . .
Love,
Jennifer
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
waiting, hoping and praying. . .
That's where we are today. I dropped the cd of Craig's scan at the urologist this morning; praying there will be image enough for comparison.
If you have been in our home, you have probably heard me complain about the mirrored closet doors we have throughout our home. They are extremely heavy and quite dangerous when they (frequently) roll of their tracks. I have wanted to replace them since we moved in nearly 14 years ago but. . . you know how it goes. The doors are still here but today I put them to good use. This verse inspired me:
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21
Knowing we are going to need in-your-face-Truth, filling our constant thoughts, I took a dry erase marker and penned scriptures over those mirrored closet doors in our entry, our bedrooms, the kitchen window over the sink and both sets of our sliding doors to our deck. I wanted us to see, read and be reminded to pray whether we turned to the right or to the left. Believe me; it's everywhere!
As I read and prayed and copied the verses, such peace filled me. By the end, my strength for the battle was renewed. The kids and I love it; it is so comforting to see when you enter a room. I have to wonder though, if someone was in our home who didn't know us very well, would they think it was the scrawlings of a mad woman???
Some of you who are reading this are in our prayers for struggles of your own. I thought the scriptures I used might be a life raft for you, too.
God is our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-proved help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 AMP
He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water. John 7:37-38 AMP
Commit your way to the LORD; trust Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn. . . Psalm 37:5-6
"I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you." Isaiah 41:6-7 MSG
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 MSG
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my Strength and my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not stand still in terror, but to walk] and make spiritual progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! Habakkuk 3:19 AMP
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers.
Love,
Jennifer
If you have been in our home, you have probably heard me complain about the mirrored closet doors we have throughout our home. They are extremely heavy and quite dangerous when they (frequently) roll of their tracks. I have wanted to replace them since we moved in nearly 14 years ago but. . . you know how it goes. The doors are still here but today I put them to good use. This verse inspired me:
Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way; walk in it." Isaiah 30:21
Knowing we are going to need in-your-face-Truth, filling our constant thoughts, I took a dry erase marker and penned scriptures over those mirrored closet doors in our entry, our bedrooms, the kitchen window over the sink and both sets of our sliding doors to our deck. I wanted us to see, read and be reminded to pray whether we turned to the right or to the left. Believe me; it's everywhere!
As I read and prayed and copied the verses, such peace filled me. By the end, my strength for the battle was renewed. The kids and I love it; it is so comforting to see when you enter a room. I have to wonder though, if someone was in our home who didn't know us very well, would they think it was the scrawlings of a mad woman???
Some of you who are reading this are in our prayers for struggles of your own. I thought the scriptures I used might be a life raft for you, too.
God is our Refuge and Strength [mighty and impenetrable to temptation], a very present and well-proved help in trouble. Psalm 46:1 AMP
He who believes in Me [who cleaves to and trusts in and relies on Me] as the Scripture has said, From his innermost being shall flow [continuously] springs and rivers of living water. John 7:37-38 AMP
Commit your way to the LORD; trust Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn. . . Psalm 37:5-6
"I've picked you. I haven't dropped you. Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you." Isaiah 41:6-7 MSG
Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life. Philippians 4:6-7 MSG
Yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation! The Lord God is my Strength and my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not stand still in terror, but to walk] and make spiritual progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]! Habakkuk 3:19 AMP
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers.
Love,
Jennifer
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